Jul 24, 2016

The Best Silver Lining

2016 is a train wreck.

Well, at least that was two-months-ago-me who said so. If I wrote this two months ago, the tone of this post would be completely different. I would say downhearted things like “staring at the bloody car crash” or “I’m gonna lure myself to sleep so I can stop crying”. But two months had passed and here I am.... high on life. I'm not saying that everything is going smoothly here; I have to take a deathly route every morning to work (Jakarta and the countless motorbikes, even on sidewalks), I made poor living arrangement decisions (paid rent without even seeing the room first), and money is really tight (I spent too much on magazines and bags). But now, I'm genuinely happy with my current state.

What happened two months ago? I had the worst birthday ever. The reason was clear, but the reason behind that reason was so scattered I literally had to unravel the whole thing with lists, tables and diagrams. I went through the complete five stages of grief to and fro. I sought enlightenment on Quora, cried in front of a stranger on Chatroulette, and read despairing threads on reddit. I even had the guts (and was stupid enough) to go on a trip with the *people involved* despite of what my family and friends said, resulting in six days of everybody assuming I was on a FREAKING diet while the fact was I was too depressed to digest anything. Six days including my birthday. All I did, I did it for a closure. But, you don't chase for closure...closure will eventually come. 

I don't wish the stress upon everyone, but if you haven't experienced a heartbreak (or heartburn, quoted from Alexa Chung's It page about Alex Turner) you might as well be prepared for it. After all, to love is to be vulnerable. Gear yourself up to cry your eyeballs out and wail on your sister's shoulder for weeks (this is the most difficult phase). Open up to your friends and family, because these people are the dearest and your best supporters. Then pick yourself up, distract yourself by doing whatever you've been abandoning all this time because you tend to ignore a lot of things when you are in a relationship. And don't forget to meet new people. What people? Well, Tinder is a real option. After stacks of what-the-hell-is-this profiles, you will find several people who worth the right swipe. Just aim for casual dates, though... don't expect more.

Also, I have learned that you can do something to save yourself from the fatal aftermath: break it off when things start to feel wrong. When you belittle each other, for example. You might drop a tear or two, but it's better than the litre of tears of woe for something that should've ended a long time ago and.... well, finally ends, because of an even uglier cause. And what happens between you two after an amicable end is not even guaranteed to be good, ESPECIALLY if your significant other is a potential self-centred crass. You cannot be friends with someone who talked about proposals but *strategically* dumped you a week later...and even had the nerve to tease you about his new crush. 

Cherish the good ol' moments and that's it. Move along. There are so many new moments to cherish, waiting for you and you only. Mine so far have been a blast: new friends, discovery of cool books and apps, the chance to meet up with people who've been intriguing me for years, solo exploration of the city... and the best silver lining that I could ever had, beyond my frenziest dreams :)) You are a hella lifesaver.


Carlyn Brody said...

I'm glad that you are beginning to heal after a break up. Although, I have never been in a break up situation, I have recently suffered some bad times too. I was in a state of shock that I could barely function. I think you are right about having your friends and family support you. Healing is a slow process and you'll be stronger afterwards.

sherlyn lavenia said...

omg im so sorry to hear that ci. glad that you slowly but sure managed to heal!
that's such an asshole though; sok mau serius tapi ga lama trus diputusin. wow, as an 18 y/o girl i thought orang2 "dewasa" yang udah lulus kuliah dan kerja gaakan "mainin" relationship kayak gitu, like that age is supposed to be the time where you take things real serious right?
thank God you broke up then. you'll find a better and more responsible man!


Janangelical said...

be strong ci! You deserved the best. Every strong women. And everything will come in its place and time. Stay praying and believing. I hope you can be more adaptable day by day by Jakarta's godamnhell traffic! For every steps you take, God Bless you and always success!

Jessica Xu said...

@Carlyn: nothing endures but change. I'm so sorry to hear that and I really hope you're doing fine now! Thank you so much for your kind words, as always *hugs*
@Sher: after all, I also did things that resulted in the break up..what troubled me was how that person treated the situation after the split (he's so gonna disagree anyways). But yeah I'm really glad it happened :)) makasih Sher, for your support!
@Jan: Thank you so much, Janice! I'm doing superb now, and yep, because everything has fallen into one place. Now it's time to bear with Jakarta hehe...

Sudheer Yadav said...

Must see all update of coming movies PINK all update on http://www.guruofmovie.com/2016/07/pink-movie-cast-wallpaper-trailer.html

genset unggul said...

have to move on. stay strong...

Suhaeli Hamdhawi said...

And than history in my illustration this drawing, is a story from a long trip. Inspiration it appears so hard after the incident. So**y for the identity face in the back wood on the illustration. So after incident, i'm start in my paper for drawing illustration.


Post a Comment